You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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