after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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