Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
