What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
