wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
