I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
false alarm. still invincible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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