So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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