people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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