see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
