We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
