I wish my penis had an off switch
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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