I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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