PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
