i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
