When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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