I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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