We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
