you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
