i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
