The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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