things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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