Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
