I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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