Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They have beer where we have blood.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
