he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
