Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
