I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
