Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
