This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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