just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
