That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
