Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
