no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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