i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.