So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
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Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.