I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
