I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
