So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize