Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
