Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
