is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
