You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
