Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
