Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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