Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
