is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
