We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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