do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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