If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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