I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
