end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
