You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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