He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
