insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
