I just saw a hot homeless man
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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