Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
