ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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