College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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