I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
