having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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