what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
