meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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