Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
