fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
