Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
