I'm gonna have a badass scar
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
