Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
