So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
