I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
