batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
