there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
