I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
