He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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