it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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