Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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