things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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