Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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