If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
