We're facebook friends in real life
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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