you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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