I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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