He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
