He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize