i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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