I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
