If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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